Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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