So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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