I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize