My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
