He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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