ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
