i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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