U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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