I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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