I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
