I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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