So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
