There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
