Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize