Whod you bang
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize