i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize