I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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