I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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