And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
