His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please don't give away my fajitas
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
