you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
