I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
