After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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