Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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