I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
