you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
