I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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