so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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