shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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