She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
