She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize