So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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