At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize