i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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