genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
