he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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