forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
