Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
