apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
