so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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