You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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