I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
