david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
