My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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