One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
