Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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