Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
