Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
