she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The adults are the big ones right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
