We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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