I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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