thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
