The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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