I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
