i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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