Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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