1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
