i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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