I think i peed on brittanys purse
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
