very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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