thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
