Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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