Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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