i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
