her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
