my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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