those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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