yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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