You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
