Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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