i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
