I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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