The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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