Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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